Say What You Need To Say: How to Communicate Assertively

We all want to be able to assertively communicate what we need and want. However, we often allow fear and insecurity to get in the way of expressing ourselves. If we can learn to control our fear and speak our truth, we can become confident communicators.

Part 1: Recognizing Your Needs

The first step to assertive communication is to recognize what you need. To do this, you need to pay attention to how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. Are there any particular emotions that come up when you think about the subject you want to discuss? Any thoughts or beliefs that you have about the situation?

Once you’ve assessed what you need, take a few minutes to reflect on the situation and think about how you can best express your needs. It might be helpful to write down your thoughts and feelings. This will make it easier to express them in a direct and clear way.

Part 2: Setting Boundaries

Once you know what you need, it’s time to set boundaries. As you assert yourself, it’s important to make sure that your message is respectful and non-judgmental. Be clear with your request and remain open to feedback. Remember that you don’t have to agree with the other person’s opinion in order to be open to their perspective.

When setting boundaries, it’s important to keep the focus on yourself. Avoid using language that places blame on others or causes them to feel ashamed. Also, be clear about the consequences for not respecting your limits. Let them know the steps you’ll take if they don’t adhere to your boundaries.

Part 3: Speaking Assertively

The final step in communicating assertively is learning how to accurately and clearly express your needs. To do this, you’ll want to use “I-statements” that focus on your feelings and beliefs. Instead of saying “you should do this” or “you need to do that”, focus on what you think and feel.

For example, instead of saying “You need to be on time,” try saying “I feel frustrated when you’re late.” By expressing yourself in an “I-statement”, it allows the other person to better understand why you’re feeling frustrated and helps them to be more open to your point of view.

By recognizing our needs, setting boundaries, and speaking assertively, we can communicate more effectively and get our needs met. Although it takes practice to learn how to communicate assertively, with the right tools and strategies, we can all become confident and articulate communicators.