Codependency: The silent yet powerful Dynamics of Relationships
We often think of the power dynamics within relationships as a struggle for organic balance in the marriage, job and family relationships. However, the more subtle yet powerful dynamics of codependency can go unnoticed and greatly contribute to the negative consequences of our relationships.
What is Codependency?
Codependency can be defined as a relationship dynamic in which a person consistently sacrifices their own needs in order to accommodate the needs of another person. This can include an individual neglecting their own needs in order to take care of or enable another person or an unhealthy form of trying to control or “help” someone by trying to rescue them of their troubles.
Codependency is often considered a form of neglect, as the codependent person can often forget or ignore their own wants and needs in order to please another person. This dynamic effects both parties in a relationship, as the one being cared for may take advantage of the codependent person by expecting them to give and never receiving in return. The codependent person is then left feeling resentful, lonely and used.
Signs and Characteristics of Codependency
Codependency can be identified in various ways, as an individual may exhibit one or more of these signs. The most common signs of codependency are:
• Low self-esteem: exhibiting difficulty making decisions, blaming themselves for the other person’s problems and feeling inadequate or unattractive.
• Being controlling: trying to control another person’s behaviour or actions.
• People-pleasing: being overly accommodating to other people while neglecting your own needs or desires.
• Perfectionism: striving for perfect behaviour, performance, or results.
• Avoidance of Conflict: avoiding conflict or disagreement, even in cases where it is necessary for healthy boundaries and expectations.
• Enabling behaviors: trying to rescue someone by ignoring their problems or taking over responsibilities that are not yours.
Codependency in Relationships
Codependency can be damaging to both individuals in a relationship. An unhealthy balance of power dynamics between two people can lead to damaging patterns of communication and resentment.
The codependent person may start to feel trapped in the relationship, while the other person may take advantage of their codependent nature. This can lead to a lack of trust and intimacy, as well as a decrease in communication and a feeling of being disconnected.
Breaking the Cycle of Codependency
Fortunately, codependency is not irredeemable. Both individuals in a relationship affected by codependency should focus on setting healthy boundaries and expectations. Recognizing codependency is the first step to breaking the cycle, and it is important to be aware of your own needs and wants in order to not sacrifice them for someone else.
It is also essential to practice communication and interpersonal skills that prioritize mutual respect and trust. While it can feel difficult to break the cycle of codependency, recognizing and understanding it can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.